Jessaly (jess_arabesque) wrote in idreamofjavina,

mark of the X

I dreamed I had gone to visit Javina in Vancouver. It was one of those overcast days where the clouds overhead have merged into a sheet of seamless pale grey. She came to greet me in the lobby of her building; if viewed from above, the building was shaped like an X, with four long wings extending crosswise, like the original buildings of the central Microsoft campus. Javina's hair was a hennaed mass of tight-sprung curls and she was wearing a voluminous black jersey skirt; when she spun, it flared around her, almost a full circle of silky fabric. Her halter-top was studded with diamonds and tied over only one shoulder, and on one hand she had an opera-length glove buttoned to her elbow. I held her single bare hand.

We took the elevator up to her apartment, which occupied an entire high floor. There was a central chamber (in which was the elevator shaft), and four large rooms set at right-angles to one another, each with windows on three sides. (In my dreams, the interiors of structures rarely match their exteriors, so this was exceptional, within matching the facade.)

I was shocked to find the rooms filled with people, all Javina's friends, because she had told me she was alone. She, however, could not see them... she had not been lying, merely somehow selectively blinded. I was afraid at first that these figures were ghosts visible only to me, but they informed me that it was not my vision that was faulty, but their hostess's. She had invited them all upstairs but seemed not to hear her when they now spoke. I was frightened that I would someday be unseen by her as well.
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Damn, that's a really sad dream.

I like my outfit. ;)

Maybe I am blinded to my allies, maybe that's a failing. Fear of rejection, or abandonment, or something similar.

There are just so many people that disappear from my life, though. And even my readers - I once called them "silent, distant cheerleaders" and learned how apt that was.

May I quote a bit of this in my journal? I think it's worth writing about.
Very profound dream.

I think Javina's comments in her own journal on this dream were very insightful.

I've never really consider how we can be selectively blind to things in our own life before until now.